waynemoore

shaggy dog stories

In Uncategorized on February 14, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Stories, folklore, rumours, facts and fabrication the life blood of a country pub.  From ‘did you know that dynamite is made of peanuts’?  to ‘I once met Geoff Boycott in a bar in Barnsley’.

My story today is one of great peril and high drama and of general silliness.   As Landlord and Landlady, myself and my partner have found ourselves often listening to our local Sooth-Sayers.  As usual once the normal pleasantries have passed you become drawn were  inextricably into the world of random facts and fictions.  

on this occasion it all started from a statement  from one of our customers,  Mr X as we will call him,  ‘was in need of a repeat prescription from the doctors’ and that ‘ Iv’ no time to collect it.  I’m a busy man!’   This had surprised the assembled patrons as Mr X had been in the pub well before most of their number. 

But I  digress, as usual mention of ‘doctors’ n medical matters provoked a round of ( as I  like to call it ) I’m sicker than you are.   After due consideration of conditions critical, personal and comical a pause in the conversation deepened into a lull. 

  A lull of course into which a statement of weight and importance  was needed to fill.   Thus to the fore a hero came and a statement of purest ‘shaggy dogness’ spilled forth.  ‘Did you know that Johny Cash became addicted to pain killers after being attacked by an ostrich’.   As you might expect the assembled audience reacted as only people in a pub can.  We had nods of knowing agreement laughs of derision gasps of pure shock and surprise and several giggles of high comedy.  

 After what seemed like only seconds alternative reasons for Mr Cash’s addiction are poured forth and ‘no’ was the general cry.  ‘He fell off a horse’ ‘he was involved in a car crash’ ‘he had an accident on stage’ ‘he was injured getting off a tractor’ ‘he had a childhood illness leading to a bad back’, the alternative explanations had rained down upon our hero. 

 A lesser man would have cracked under the barrage of opposition and recanted.   But not our hero he was adamant!  As with knights of old or gentleman of a nobler age. Satisfaction was required and ranks were formed,   believers and none believers aligned and all that was required was proof !   So yes proof was required but not from your normal run of the mill proof but the full blown certified guaranteed factual  type.  

So where would you find this ultimate proof,  Books no, learned professors, other blokes we have meet down the pub no, all were brought to question but proof is a fleeting thing and not forthcoming so far.   Then the wisest of the assembled cast offered expounds the theory ‘google it’ the assembled throng fell into a hushed silence.

Fingers fluttered on the keyboard keys and in less than the time it takes to order a pint google answers the burning question. Yes dear reader Johny Cash did become addicted due to an ostrich attack. Our hero fills his chests and stands tall vindicated.

All his allies stand glowing with smug satisfaction, the defeated foes stand humbled and mumble words of supplication attempting to distance themselves from former points of view. Thus once again our ‘Shaggy Dog’ has walked abroad bringing glory and defeat to any who attempt to stroke his shaggy coat.

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